What the Process of Seeking Help Was Really Like
Seeking help isn’t always a clean, graceful process. In fact, it can be really messy—ugly even. For me, it’s looked like a lot of trial and error, a lot of frustration, and too many days to count where I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever stop feeling terrible.
Over the years, I’ve tried different forms of support consisting of medication, group therapy, family therapy, and individual therapy. Some of it helped. Some of it didn’t. Some of it didn’t end up helping until much later than I expected. There were moments I felt seen and supported, and moments I felt completely invisible and misunderstood. It hasn’t been smooth despite my desire for it to be so, I’ve come to realize healing rarely is.
Reaching out to others and asking for help is something I still struggle with to this day. It sounds simple—“just talk to someone”—but when you’re deep in it, the isolation and dissociation can get addicting. You become an addict to the feeling of being numb and it can even get to a certain point where you think that’s all you deserve. Admitting you need the help takes courage. Even if you take that initial step towards progress, things don’t magically change. Sometimes people don’t respond how you expect. Sometimes they’re not equipped to support you. Or sometimes people are too preoccupied with their own problems that your problems get dismissed altogether.
But here’s what I’ve learned: even when those feelings feel insurmountable, it’s still worth trying. Every step, no matter how small or awkward, is part of the process. And while I still have ups and downs, and definitely have a long way to go, I’m learning to see strength in simply continuing to seek help—even when it feels uncomfortable or uncertain.
If you’re in a place where you’re struggling, I want you to know this: seeking help doesn’t have to look perfect. It doesn’t have to feel good right away. You just have to keep showing up for yourself, even on days it’s hard.
If you feel like your a danger to yourself contact the suicide hotline. Maybe you aren’t even suicidal and you just need a stranger to talk to don’t be afraid to reach out.